sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
