my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
