Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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