ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
