I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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