Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
