I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
