I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
