I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
