i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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