Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
