when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
