no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
