the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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