I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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