It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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