She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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