I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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