Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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