dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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