the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
