im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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