Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
