dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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