I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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