A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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