At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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