I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
