One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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