wanna go halves on a baby?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
