even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
