Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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