WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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