Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
