my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
