Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
