U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
