it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Holy shit dude........stairs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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