Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
