after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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