Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
