i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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