letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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