I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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