Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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