i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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