The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
God I need to hump something, right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
