i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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