After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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