took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
