No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
where am i from again
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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