U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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