I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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