Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
