mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
