Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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