So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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