omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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