are you still at the devil's house?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
