I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
