You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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