Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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