low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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