My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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