SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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