Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
