Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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