I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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