I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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