peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
