her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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