the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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