I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
