I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
