grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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