The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
