after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
