first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
