You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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