So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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