ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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