i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
