My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just invented taco cereal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
