If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want to be your penis for a week.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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