any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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